Claptrap, Poppycock & Tomfoolery with Gero...

More Banksy Pranksterism

2007-06-16T14:09:00.000+02:00

Loads more where that came from here:

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=banksy&search=

Robert Anton Wilson R.I.P.

2007-04-06T19:19:00.000+02:00

I only recently found out that Robert Anton Wilson died on January 11th 2007. He's been described as "a prolific American novelist, essayist, philosopher, psychologist, futurologist, anarchist, and conspiracy theory researcher. His writing, which often shows a sense of humor and optimism, is described by him as an 'attempt to break down conditioned associations - to look at the world in a new way, with many models recognized as models (maps) and no one model elevated to the Truth.' And: 'My goal is to try to get people into a state of generalized agnosticism, not agnosticism about God alone, but agnosticism about everything.'"

I've always enjoy reading his stuff, mostly because, apart from being thought provoking, he's funny. I think his humour comes across in these short clips. The first one is about optimism...

This one's about "reality"...

And finally, here he talks about Albert Einstein, James Joyce and Aleister Crowley...

iPhone

2007-02-03T11:52:00.000+01:00

Best gadget ever...

Here's a detailed look at the real thing - funky music browsing and photo viewing features...

The Wordsmith

2007-01-01T16:21:00.000+01:00

skanger me banger

2006-12-11T21:17:00.000+01:00

Bush Bolloxed

2006-10-21T15:11:00.000+02:00

Food For Thought

2006-09-23T13:01:00.000+02:00

Auld Bren was a big fan of this guy, and he is ribticklingly thought provoking, and even sports a great beard. Just who IS Robert Anton Wilson...?

Answers on a postcard to...

nice

2006-09-20T20:44:00.000+02:00

relax, take a deep breath, sit back and enjoy.
This is just nice...

classic daily show sketch

2006-09-11T18:47:00.000+02:00

This old sketch is from the Daily Show,
and apparently wasn't shown on air because of the subject matter.
It's shit-your-pants funny. I reckon. What do you think?

( ~ T u m b l e w e e d blows by ~ )

The Bankster strikes again

2006-09-03T23:53:00.000+02:00

Hundreds of Paris Hilton albums have been tampered with
in the latest stunt by "guerrilla artist" Banksy.

we're back...

2006-08-20T13:55:00.000+02:00

Peace y'all - we're back after a holiday which words fail miserably in even coming close to describing - so why bother trying? It was special. Meanwhile, Dave you langer - sorry we didn't get to catch up with you in Jackeensville, we were literally only there for an afternoon - but we'll catch you at chrimbo and we can compare wives! Germany, in the meantime, continues to rock like Jimi Hendrix doing a guest appearance at a Led Zeppelin gig - Ja, das ist gut...!

holiday time!

2006-08-01T12:09:00.000+02:00

Well we're off on holiday : white wedding, honeymoon, barbeques, Guinness, Connemara, Achil Island, Galway, Dublin, Hangovers, Parties, Big dirty fry ups etc. So I'll leave you with this amusing image of Templeton at the 10th Annual Golden Shower Ceremony in East Bumfuck, Illinois. Enjoy. Back in 16 days (ish)....

p.s. Ian - you owe me €20. And a shirt. And shut up, you twat.

Flynn's Inn Celtic

2006-07-28T11:21:00.000+02:00

So here we are in all our glory - we came fourth in the end - a staggering result, due in no small part to our two young and fit American team mates, who can easily be picked out from this motley crew of beerbellied reprobates. Anyway, we brought some colour to the tournament and got a special mention from the organizers for our general buziness. Buzz.

Meanwhile Ian's in Karlsruhe -
whining like a bitch and scaring people -
sure it wouldn't be the same if he wasn't.
The twat.

spot THE difference

2006-07-25T22:32:00.000+02:00

och aye

2006-07-24T12:32:00.000+02:00

Wee Davey McNab's opening a Scottish Pub here in Karlsruhe - this is his logo what I designed and he hasn't actually seen yet - it's nice that these days I only do design for people I like and it's most enjoyable. But if he doesn't like his logo I'll have to kneecap him. Fair's fair, like...

Bren R.I.P.

2006-07-12T17:26:00.000+02:00

Today I got some very sad news (from Templeton's sister, as it happens) that a very good old friend of mine, who had been "on the missing list" (as he'd say himself) died under mysterious circumstances somewhere in London. He was a seeker. To know him was to love him. He'll be missed... (even if he was already missing). Thanks for the memories Bren man.

stag night

2006-06-28T18:25:00.000+02:00

Tomorrow night is my stag night.
Dun Laoghaire takes over Karlsruhe as Phil and Derham turn up (giddily),
and the Karlsruhe English speaking community's male contingent will take the piss
out of me and more than likely publicly humiliate me in some unimaginable way.
So be it. Bring it on...

(First leg of our "Hochzeit" is on Saturday, parents flying in Friday,
Germany playing Argentina at 5pm, country losing plot, world meltdown imminent...)

piss take

2006-06-20T22:18:00.000+02:00

Speaking of leaking... all of Germany, nay Earth (bar Rickmansworth), is footy loopy.
Not least the designers of these urinal pube blocker stoppers.
Even Ian'd enjoy this - if he could pee straight.

How's that for La Pee...?

argument's sake

2006-06-08T13:07:00.000+02:00

This one's for templeton, who's sick of football,
and loves nothing better than a good argument.

daily show classic

2006-05-31T19:35:00.000+02:00

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Loads more laHahahahaughs here

I am a DailyShowaholic. And I don't care.

mindfuck

2006-05-27T01:14:00.000+02:00

Poor old Ian's been having examinational brainwank,
which is unfortunate.

Him being a twat, that is.

We've all had those mindfucky moments.
But what's a mind for, if not for fucking?

blue arsed fly

2006-05-21T17:38:00.000+02:00

So so sorry y'all that there's been bugger all posting here, but one has been running around like a blue arsed fly, hasn't one? And one can't keep up with it all - Arsenal lost (thanks to their German keeper), Munster are European Champions (go on the People's Republic!) Ian takes the piss (in more ways than three) Dribbling Templeton can't hold down a job, or a decent tune, Esperanza has to swim accross rivers to escape her neighbours, Dave's throwing shrimps on the barbie while reading the Indo, Lutz is still a Cerdunt, Flo still needs a haircut and Finland have won the Eurovision. It's all too much for the like of little old one. Next post will be in three months when my arse is less blue...

Meanwhile wear lots of sunscreen

I know u don't care, but...

2006-05-13T22:52:00.000+02:00

...Liverpool won the F.A. Cup today in a thrilling final.
I've supported Liverpool for nigh on 28 years now,
so I'm a happy bunny. Begrudgers bedamned! :o)

Me, yesterday.

2006-05-12T18:51:00.000+02:00

Holy hack!

2006-05-06T23:05:00.000+02:00

(from the BBC...) Hacker fears 'UFO cover-up'

In 2002, Gary McKinnon was arrested by the UK's national high-tech crime unit, after being accused of hacking into Nasa and the US military computer networks. He says he spent two years looking for photographic evidence of alien spacecraft and advanced power technology. America now wants to put him on trial, and if tried there he could face 60 years behind bars.

He says... "They are some very credible, relied upon people, all saying yes, there is UFO technology, there's anti-gravity, there's free energy, and it's extra-terrestrial in origin, and we've captured spacecraft and reverse-engineered it....

...the free energy technology should be publicly available."

tunedevil

2006-05-01T22:08:00.000+02:00

TUNEDEVIL a.k.a. Ruairí the Sligo Bollox, was round our gaff today
and low and behold - a logo and an online presence were born...

May Day, May Day!

2006-05-01T15:00:00.000+02:00

It's May Day in Germany - which people celebrate here by "dancing into may" (really!) - which in Kreuzberg, Berlin is taken very seriously where they have their own special dances involving ritualistic burning of, well, whatever they can get their hands on. It's also the start of the Polizei v Anarchists football league, the winners of which qualify for the European Championships in Nothern Ireland every July 12th. Happy May Day!

fascinating

2006-04-30T22:56:00.000+02:00

A Celebration, bitches...

2006-04-29T14:00:00.000+02:00

Yesterday was Flo'sd birthday. We bought him an afro wig that was actually smaller than his real hair. Classic.

nothing

2006-04-26T20:49:00.000+02:00

Munich there we went

2006-04-23T22:33:00.000+02:00

So the good news is - it's a fucking amazing stadium. The bad news? We lost 2 - 0, and played crrrrrap - even if their first goal was offside and their penalty shouldn't have been a penalty, and our disallowed goal should have been allowed - so we should 've won 1 - 0. Still, ho hum. A good time was had by all nevertheless - debauchery in general - Herr Flyyn leading the Germans on the bus in song is one of many highlights, along with Flo's hair, Don's mysterious injury and managing to find the bus after the match. It's a funny old game.

Munich here we come...

2006-04-21T10:32:00.000+02:00

Today, we, the Karlsruhe Irish Supporters (founded 2002), are travelling to Munich to see Karlsruher SC v 1860 Munich in The Best Stadium In The World. The sun is shining, it's 20°C agus níl aon scamaill sa speir! To say the lads are looking forward to this one would be understating it just a tad. I know most of you lot care not a jot for football, but maybe you can appreciate it from an architectural and "lads on a session" point of view. There's apparently 10,000 people going from Karlsruhe. Hopefully we'll win. Stay tuned...

Hppy Brthdy Wlsh Twt

2006-04-17T22:08:00.000+02:00

...your present is on its way...

Forgiveness

2006-04-15T16:24:00.000+02:00

Happy Easter

2006-04-14T12:17:00.000+02:00

Coutesy of the Motherflavert and the Great Steaming Nit

Martian Smiley

2006-04-12T19:45:00.000+02:00

Surface with a smile: Mars crater looks like smiley face

Ian's boating lake

2006-04-11T12:58:00.000+02:00

Ian's back garden

2006-04-10T20:47:00.000+02:00

Ian's Gaff

2006-04-10T18:54:00.000+02:00

Banksy strikes again...

2006-04-09T15:10:00.000+02:00

(from bbc...)
"Guerrilla" artist Banksy has revealed his latest stunt - a crumpled red phone box with a pickaxe in the side.

The unorthodox exhibit, apparently bleeding, was placed in a street in Soho, central London on Wednesday but was removed by Westminster Council.

Banksy has become notorious for his audacious, clandestine pranks.

He has hung his own works in some of the world's most prestigious galleries including Tate Britain, the British Museum and four top New York galleries.

His satirical stencils appear on walls in many cities and he once erected his own version of the Old Bailey's statue of justice wearing leather boots and a thong.

.........................

Banksy is the man.

For the children...

2006-04-05T23:12:00.000+02:00

Ivor the Engine: "Phssh-t-kuh, Phssh-t-kuh..."

Ian in the mountains...

2006-04-04T22:50:00.000+02:00

Banksy's stuff

2006-04-02T17:44:00.000+02:00

If you don't know banksy - check his site - I love his stuff...

Homage to clever Ian

2006-03-31T15:05:00.000+02:00

A picture paints a thousand words, thou welsh twat.
Happy Weekend y'all!

schpengle or templeton?

2006-03-29T23:03:00.000+02:00

fish

2006-03-28T22:20:00.000+02:00

9/11 Can of Worms

2006-03-25T17:58:00.000+01:00

Just to piss Ian and Paul off and reopen this can of worms,
have a look a this - newsworthy via a celebrity (and a gimp)...
Charlie Sheen comes out, Matt Damon says "I'm Matt Damon".

real simpsons

2006-03-24T18:06:00.000+01:00

Check this out

Wüühüüü, it's Friday ! ! !

2006-03-24T17:54:00.000+01:00

Muppets!

2006-03-24T15:12:00.000+01:00

Sheep

2006-03-22T18:29:00.000+01:00

A Hicksism...

2006-03-21T11:28:00.000+01:00

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

Paddy's Weekend

2006-03-19T20:06:00.000+01:00

The day after Paddy's Day, as if to once and for all conclusively proove that God himself is indeed Irish, Ireland beat England in the rugby. Grand.

Paddy St. Happy's Day!!

2006-03-17T13:30:00.000+01:00

Grrrrr...

2006-03-15T21:42:00.000+01:00

Sad News...

2006-03-14T22:36:00.000+01:00

Urkels Beaker aka Templeton aka Motherflahavert aka Fucko MacWank aka Daniel O'Donnell Junior aka Proffessor Cheesey Leonard III aka Havid Dasselhoff aka Hey You aka Father Fortune's Fortune Cookie aka Piffle O'Silly Billy, inimitatable lunatic extraordainaire, all round good bean, and inventor of the "Your Mother" joke, has decided to discontinue his blergh. World reaction has varied so far.

There was a minute's silence at the Divided Nations...

...this man glued his hand to his forehead in despair...

...while tragically this man glued both of his hands to his face with sheer disbelief.

It is believed Urkels Beaker is to devote his time to Scrotal Exploration and Flatulent Studies at the University of Schmuniversity, Co. Cavan, Ireland.

May all his ups and downs be in bed.

Secrets...

2006-03-13T11:37:00.000+01:00

Intelligence isn't what it used to be...

Water both cleanses and refreshes...

2006-03-11T22:49:00.000+01:00

Doctor, Doctor...

2006-03-09T11:18:00.000+01:00

Couldn't eat a whole one?

2006-03-07T13:42:00.000+01:00

And the winner is...

2006-03-05T20:34:00.000+01:00

Best Actress: Dave Flynn

Best Actress in a supporting role:

Best Actor:

Best Oscar:

cool software

2006-03-04T13:49:00.000+01:00

Toilet Humour

2006-03-02T11:30:00.000+01:00

(Courtesy of Phil the Great Steaming Nit in Bang Cock...)

Picture the scene...

I walked into the toilet where I found two cubicles, of which one was already occupied. So I entered the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me:
"Hello mate, how are you doing?"

I thought it a bit strange but not wanting to be rude I replied

"Yeah, not too bad thanks."

After a short pause, I heard the voice again

"So, what are you up to mate?"

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly it must be said.
Unsure what to say, I replied
"Umm, just having a quick poo..

How about yourself?"

I then heard the voice for the third time...

"Sorry mate, I'll have to call you back.
I've got some dickhead in the loo next to me answering everything I say!

Fasching: Germans in Humour Shocker

2006-02-27T16:44:00.000+01:00

For those of you who aren't aware, it's that time of year again, Fasching (also known as Karneval or Fastnacht) when Germans go loopy, dress like lunatics, run around being daft in parades, have crazy parties, and drink with wanton abandon. It's great fucking fun and particularly refreshing for us foreigners who have to put up with them for the rest of the year! (Dass war nur ein Witz, glaub mir!) Even the police join in. Who said they'd no sense of humour?

Vintage V i Z

2006-02-24T15:40:00.000+01:00

Random letters

2006-02-22T21:44:00.000+01:00

You want Mullets?

2006-02-20T20:50:00.000+01:00

If we're talking mega mullets, even Hasselhoff himself doesn't come close to Billy Ray Cyrus, star of the hit TV show "Let's Hunt and Kill Billy Ray Cyrus". Sing along now y'all, let it echo in your head all night long... "Don't break ma heart, ma Achy Breaky heart..."

...do NOT fuck with me...

2006-02-18T17:10:00.000+01:00

... I WILL dustbust your ass. I'll suck your breakfast out through your anus till the dustbuster batteries go bust. Bitch.

Monday feels like this...

2006-02-13T21:16:00.000+01:00

Crazy Weekend

2006-02-12T20:27:00.000+01:00

Gordon's Birrrthdy

2006-02-06T19:53:00.000+01:00

Gordon MacScottishbastardyfuckwit celebrates his birthday today, so in his mamory (sic) it's only proper and fattening that we throw something Scottish up here. Well, at least, throw up...

I hasten to add that Gordon MacCaledonianvagina isn't arrogant.
He's aghast, aggrieved and aggreable - unless you're a pissed colin,
or standing near a Christmas tree, or he's had a bad day.
He's also aggrophobic - that's why he likes pubs.

Signs

2006-02-03T17:38:00.000+01:00

Do you think it's a sign?

ass

2006-02-01T18:59:00.000+01:00

help

2006-01-31T22:07:00.000+01:00

2006-01-30T18:51:00.000+01:00

imagine life like this,
with people asking you -
what's it like to be like that?
And you thinking -
what's it like to not be like this?

What's it like being you?

Just An Idea

2006-01-29T23:06:00.000+01:00

The truth about life is that it’s a lie. And a joke.

St. Paddy's Days 05 & 06

2006-01-26T22:43:00.000+01:00

The following is to be published in our local Karlsruhe Newspaper in the run up to Saint Patrick's Day this year (in German, like)...

An Introduction to the Festivities

Saint Patrick’s Day (17^th March) is Ireland’s national holiday. It is traditionally celebrated with a parade featuring music, dancing and playacting (not unlike German Fasching) in most towns in Ireland. Countless Irish people and their descendants throughout the world, especially in England, Australia, Canada and America also celebrate this event. In New York and Boston they’ve even been known to dye the rivers green. You’ll also find African and Asian Americans covered in green things and wearing “Kiss Me I’m Irish” hats.

Last year the extended Irish community of Karlsruhe (which includes any and all English speakers and friends located in the general area) decided to organize their own little event, no matter how small, to celebrate being the kind of people who like to celebrate…

17^th March 2005:
Karlsruhe’s First Ever Saint Patrick’s Day Parade

There were 18 of us, two of whom were under the age of three; Anna the two-and-a-half year old, and Isabel the baby who was wearing an Irish football jersey – as was her Dad Liam from Tramore, Co. Waterford. Our pitiable parade headed off from Scruffy’s Irish Pub (led by a mandolin-playing Scruffy and a drum-beating Dave Flynn) on the way to Flynn’s Inn Irish Pub.

Following behind were the rest of us, banging drums and trying to sing along. We started off by singing “Dirty Auld Town”, then “Molly Malone”, followed by “The Fields of Athenry” and finished with a fine rendition of “Whiskey In The Jar”. We marched down Karlstrasse towards Europaplatz handing out “Happy St. Paddy’s Day” flyers, to the general bewilderment of the Karlsruhe public.

As we reached the front of the Post Gallerie, the singing subsided somewhat, until Scruffy roused the troops with his mandolin. One or two passing strangers were actually aware that it was St. Paddy’s Day and what it meant – and smiled with a glint in their eye. Most people seemed to enjoy our little procession of Irish, British, and German lunatics (everyone’s Irish on St. Paddy’s day – as they say in America).

When we reached Flynn’s Inn we decided to quench our thirst with some Guinness, and then return to Scruffys. That had been the idea anyway. But we didn’t make it back out of Flynn’s till the 18^th March.

Prior to the whole event there had been some legal wrangling. Firstly it was realized that we couldn’t go within a kilometre of the German Federal Court House because we were technically a “Protest”, unless we registered as a “Cultural Event”. However our legal consultant then informed us that if we were a “Religious Festival” we could do whatever we liked. So we did. God bless St. Patrick!

17^th March 2006:
Karlsruhe’s Second Ever Saint Patrick’s Day Parade…

This year St. Paddy’s Day is on a Friday! This year we’re going to have more people and everybody will have something to bang on – tambourine, drum, bottle of whiskey etc. This year all of Karlsruhe will be Irish on the 17^th of March. And this year we’ll try to make it back from Flynn’s Inn to Scruffy’s!

The Wart on Error

2006-01-24T23:10:00.000+01:00

We always knew that it was a Mickey Mouse operation but this is taking the apple pie... How much sense does it make to have your nineteen year old ass splattered all over a sixteen year old suicide bomber's idealism "...for your country". How is that defending your nation? Sorry for the simplistic bullshit, but it's almost as if the power's that be don't really have our best interests at heart - which would run contrary to everything they've ever taught us to think. The only thing to do at times like these, friends and neighbours, is to offer praise and thanks to the sacred placebo they forced us to believe in. Let's all join hands and pray to that great embedded reporter in the sky. I'm lovin' it...

Limerick Gauntlet thrown down...

2006-01-23T11:26:00.000+01:00

There once was a blog by a chap
Who filled the whole thing full of crap
The people who posted
Were generally roasted
And gave all their lovers the clap.

Frau Gerraggkty

2006-01-22T14:16:00.000+01:00

Here's my future wife doing her medieval thing. And if anyone mispronounces her new surname, she'll beat the shit out of them with a big stick. Be warned!

Rant No.1

2006-01-21T18:59:00.000+01:00

I always wanted to know what the fuck it is that everyone else wanted to know. Did anybody ever really know? We seem to battle with ourselves, and each other. Without doubt, it is all subjective and relative and transient. We all die anyway. Some of us try to figure out what the fuck it is that keeps us going, what keeps us from ending it all. “Suicide is easy.” It is easy. Maybe there are better things to do with your life than just end it by your own hand. But what is better? Live life as an experiment? ...Just keep going until you formulate or articulate something that may help somebody else stay alive long enough to help somebody else stay alive long enough ….. repeat ad lib till fade…… So for example, we can try like a bastard to articulate precisely how hard it may seem to bother your better judgment to stay alive in this farce that calls itself modern society where everything is judged by its’ financial value… FUCK THAT. That’s not what keeps people alive. That’s what makes people kill themselves. Because the truth is that we’ve been lied to from the day we were born. Not blaming the parents (who worked with what they knew - love). But should’nt we, their offspring, have learned something they didn’t have the chance to learn? Possibly, we’ve learned that we should be less judgmental. We are all only human, after all. So maybe we should be easy on ourselves, and each other. And where does that leave us? Right where we started - wondering what the fuck it’s all about. So you wake up in the morning with the responsibilities that you have to deal with and then what? You try to get through life the best you can, and you’re tired at the end, and somewhat less altruistic than different parts of the day found you (tired, hungry, apathetic, enthusiastic, apologetic, pathetic…) Alright already, go to bed, stay smiling… Shutthefuckup.

Smile!

2006-01-21T17:55:00.000+01:00

Caption for this picture?

wogan wig

2006-01-20T23:39:00.000+01:00

Some good old fashioned silliness. Jolly good.

The old ones are the best.

Oddball

2006-01-19T17:16:00.000+01:00

Did you ever have one of those oddball days?

2006-01-18T20:13:00.000+01:00

human upgrade, anyone..? www.humanupgrades.com

Lice, the You-Knee-Furs à Neverysink

2006-01-17T16:05:00.000+01:00

This is what Douglas Adams had to say about something that has been floating around my head for a while - thirty odd years or so probably... "I find the whole business of religion profoundly interesting. But it does mystify me that otherwise inteligent people take it seriously."

That's the neck of the woods from where my thoughts would be coming. If you try to think objectively about religion in general, it seem like one big piss-take. The Dalai Lama says all religions point to the same truth. Point. Not tell the truth but point to it. Maybe the truth isn't tellable. Maybe that's not true. What thinks you?

Bullshit, Jism and Nuts

2006-01-15T16:23:00.000+01:00

More from "English as a Second F*cking Language"...

bullshit
As a noun, bullshit means nonsense or fakery. As a verb, it means to try to trick someone through using bullshit. As a stand-alone term, it is a rebuttal to such bullshitting.

example:
Barney: I'll have that money for you first thing tomorrow,
and that's no bullshit.
Fred: Bullshit! That's what you said yesterday.
Don't try to bullshit an old bullshitter.

jism
... is the source of all human existence, and impossible to remove from suede. There are a number of variant spellings. Among them are: gizm, jizzum, and jissom. There's also the shortened form: jizz or giz. No one knows the origin of the word. One of our panelists notes that it rhymes with "prism". The rest of us say "So what?"

nuts
This term is almost as common as "balls". The term also describes someone who is crazy (or Welsh). Don't confuse the two.

example:
Dafydd: Ian is crazy. He stood there on the podium in front of
the TV cameras scratching his nuts.
Llewelyn: His nuts?
Dafydd: His nuts!

Llewelyn: He's nuts!

meme

2006-01-14T22:00:00.000+01:00

A - Accent: Irish, man.
B - Breakfast Item: Music.
C - Chore you hate: Hatred.
D - Dad's Name: Dad.
E - Essential everyday item: Air.
F - Flavour ice cream: Teddy's of Dun Laoghaire.
G - Gold or Silver: Both?
H - Hometown: Dublin, Ireland, Europe.
I - Insomnia: "...Did I leave the iron on?"
J - Job Title: "...I'm a Sheperd."
K - Kids: "...They're Dairylea mad, them kids!"
L - Living arrangements: Loving.
M - Mom's birthplace: Earth.
N - Number of significant others you’ve ever had: Countless millions.
O - Overnight hospital stays: No thanks.
P - Phobias: I'm a phobiaphobic.
Q - Queer?: Elton John and The Pope.
R - Religious Affiliation: Not if I can help it.
S - Siblings: Two sisters, a cat and an imaginary friend.
T - Time you wake up: Late.
U - Unnatural hair colors you've worn: Vomit.
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: Fish, Southern Comfort, Cher.
W - Worst habit: Burping, Farting, Miltary Dictatorship.
X - X-rays you’ve had: Mind in Amsterdam, Soul in Dublin Mountains.
Y - Yummy: Lasagne à la Tania.
Z - Zodiac sign: Human.

T W A t

2006-01-14T14:52:00.000+01:00

One of the best pressies I got at the birthday session in Flynns last night was a book entitled "English as a Second F*cking Language - How to swear effectively, explained in detail with numerous examples taken from everyday life" It's an invaluable source of reference. One entry reads...

twat

See quim

example:
Stewardess: Would you like some of our TWA coffee?
Passenger: No thanks, but I'd love some of your TWA tea.

Friday the 13th!

2006-01-13T17:06:00.000+01:00

Thought for the day (courtesy of Ruskin Bond) - "Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong!" Hmmmm...

George WMD Bush

2006-01-11T00:23:00.000+01:00

(Paraphrasing from Uncyclopedia...) George WMD Bush is the greatest gay eskimo to ever live, and is now the president of the Divided States of America. Georgie, a former cocaine-abusing junkie and low achiever, was saved by excessive masturbation. His talents include stuttering on national television, running from public service that isn't "fun," and publicly showing off his lack of intelligence.

Georgie, along with Dan Quayle, invented an academic alternative to traditional cartography, and boldly scorned the use of higher mental functions when leading others. According to Bush's genuine method, Canada is next to Mexico, Osama bin Laden is from Iraq instead of Saudi Arabia, Chicago is a state, and Africa is a country.

Aside from, of course, God, George hangs tight with his 'Publican Crew: Condi "Conizzle-dolizzle-leeza" Rice (AKA Condi "NeoCondi" Rice, cLo), Donald "Dum-Dum" Rumsfeld, Paul "P-Wolf" Wolfowitz' Alberto Gonzales and of course the man on the other end of the transmitter, Klu Klux Karl. Georgie has sparked a revolution of popular culture in the Divided States. People are returning to the old-school values and old-school IQ levels. The "in" thing is shifting from drugs and baggy pants to cowboy hats, invading foreign countries and saying "huh?"
(Click here for the full Uncyclopedia article)

hoppy_birdy.2.i

2006-01-10T03:14:00.000+01:00

Not my birthday is what it isn't. Another year older isn't what I amn't. "Me Day!" as Derham may say. And the Nay-sayers? They say "Nay!" - but I say "Yay!" - coz it's my fucking birthday! As the the Yappillokians and the Plopsters say... "Yyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy!"...

Quarks (and langers)

2006-01-09T13:32:00.000+01:00

This simple picture depicts pairs of strange quarks as they pop into and out of existence alongside the permanent quark residents of the proton. Nuclear physicists have found that strange quarks, though present for just tiny fractions of a second at a time, also contribute to the proton's properties.

But in Germany, quark is a light edible substance not dissimilar to cheesecake mix which can be purchased in any good bakery in a variety of forms. One of the positive side effects of consuming quark is, reputedly, a disinclination to... "bottle things up, bringing closer the day when langers will explode in a PUMMELLING, SCREAMING RAGE OF MONKEY JEALOUSY." Apparently.

Tea, anyone?

2006-01-06T12:05:00.000+01:00

Pictured left: A nice cup of tea, yesterday. Believe it or believe it not, friends and neighbours, it would seem that some of the crazed and loony postings on this here just-out-of-the-womb blog are not everyone's cup of tea. Ideal. "When critics disagree the artist is in accord with himself" wrote Oscar Wilde - he also said "Bitches be trippin" in reference to Miami, according to Uncyclopedia. Anyfeckingway - ian, it seems you're a twat - this is not exactly breaking news; phil - nipples for men? anonymous - I love alot of the poems and songs you've written over the years and it's an honour to have you post on my blog; Cyril Bridlington - whatevvvver, you racialist. Don't I have some porn with you in it? Dave O'Reilly; don't you owe ian a blow up sheep from a drunken bet? Rumsfeld? Schmumsfeld!

Bloggedy Blogedy MacBligiddy O'Blag

2006-01-03T14:03:00.000+01:00

ah sure jeasuz tiz yerself again arra now what would ya be doin wastin yer time with this shite when there's so much other shite to be wasting your time with like, at_all@all... so today's transpirations: michel's lying on a beach in goa, india - niiiiice; dave langer and ian twat are kissing and making up - aaaahhh; scruffy shagged nadine - aledgedly; paul and his lady friend are pondering life back in the auld cun tree - fairy nuff; phil the great steaming nit has got a blog now too, as well as something to smoke courtesy of the bangkok police - rastafari; ice skating in germany is ill advised - ooh, topical; and you're never fully dressed without a smirk, you berk.

Oöh!

2006-01-02T22:56:00.000+01:00

Pffffffffffhhhhhh - so, one could not be arsed NOT having a blog as everyone else has and it seeems like a bit of a buzz so here it is. Where do ya start? First the earth cooled, then the dinosaurs came, then died and turned into oil, arabs in mercedes sold them... blah blah bloggedy blog blog... it's monday, the beginning of the week and the month and the year - let's see where we go from here... our cat Samuel Longhorn Clemens (or "Sam" for short) is running around like a proverbial blue arsed fly, and why not, crap German telly echoes in the background and I sip tea. Tee hee hee. Any questions? There will be a test later.